The Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Okay, let's just get the bad and ugly out in the open to start with: The following is the e-mail I just sent to my mom. I am just as depressed as the e-mail makes it sound so feel free to use that comment button and cheer me on/up.

Is it okay if I give up on this course? I know, it seems totally childish. But when I think about it more, grades are supposed to measure how well you succeeded at learning the material. I don't feel like I've learned enough to write my paper or to take the final, therefore I probably should fail. I would rather fail than continue to put myself through the continued misery of trying to write this paper on something about which I completely and utterly lack understanding. I am only two and a half garbled pages in and it has taken me the amount of time and effort of several very complete. lengthy and successful college papers (on several different topics). I just simply cannot do this and I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I am already losing sleep over it and tonight I just burst into tears trying to get the facts to line up (and failing). I don't know if I can take more of this. It makes it worse to know that I am doing this for possibly no reason at all... i.e I more than likely don't even NEED this credit for ANYthing. On one hand, I know I'm being irrational, but on the other... at one point is it healthy to just throw in the damn towel?

In misery, j

So that you don't think I'm permanantly down in the dumps, here's the other side. The following snippet comes from a wonderful article written by a Rabbi and brought to my attention by my brother and his "friend" Sarah. It really touched a tender spot for me as I wade through all my disorganized and incomplete feelings and theories regarding what I want to do with the rest of my life. After reading this, I am somewhat reassured. I may not have reached a conclusion regarding my Next Step or that scary "Career" word, but for now, I am doing something that fulfills me. And I just really love, (and when I use that word I truly mean it) the kids I work with. They have taught me so much without even figuring out when to correctly say "please" and "thank you". It may seem corny but even on my most terrible Thursdays the kids make me laugh and feel thankful for finding this opportunity.

Here's the article: What God Made Us Good At - Newsweek Society - MSNBC.com:

"God's shadow falls across our wounded world through an infinity of differently blessed lives; each shadow bearing equally the holiness of the Creator, but each shadow bearing a unique shape meant to be discovered and used to find happiness, fix the world and please God.
God gives each of us unique blessings and thus unique destinies. That is what it means to say we are all made in the image of God or to say that we all stood at Sinai. And we are all standing at Sinai right here and right now. God is looking at you, just you, to ask you, ?Did you discover what I made you good at? Are you working at what you love? And are you helping those who have not yet discovered the shape of their spiritual shadow to do what I made them good at doing?
If you can feel in your soul that you are standing at Sinai amid the peals of thunder and lightening and at the foot of the smoking mountain and in the midst of the assembled people, and there, which is also here, and then, which is also now, that God is actually speaking to you, just you, to teach you the secrets of life. God is speaking to you, just you, to lead you to the place of green pastures and still waters where you need not be afraid. God is speaking to you, just you, to teach you how every day your blessings exceed your burdens. God is speaking to you, just you, to tell you that life is too short not to do what you love."