Happy New Year!

I hope 2005 finds you all healthy, warm, and pursuing your peice of peace! Sounds cheesy (even for a cheesehead), but if there's one important lesson I take from 2004 is that happiness truly is in the little things- and sharing my personal happiness requires me to be attentive to my own mental & physical health! My apologies for not sending out Christmas/New Year's cards this year- but as you may have noticed- I've gotten a bit behind in just about everything. But a belated "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I miss you!" to everyone anyhow.

Yes, I realize I've been neglecting my journaling. I have been very guiltily aware of this neglect- but can't seem to sit down and dig myself back up to today. The big news- what basically devoured my month of December is that I quit my job. I had been bogged down in the decision making process- Should I? What if? and What will they say? type things for months- practically since my first day back in August. I probably overthought the whole thing- but at this stage in my life I worry that every decision I make steers the direction and sucess of everything that comes Next. For example- as several people pointed out over the holidays- if I had gone to Spanish camp (my first choice) in high school instead of Japanese camp (my second after Spanish was full), I probably wouldn't have gone to Japan as an exchange student, wouldn't be fluent in Japanese, wouldn't have met Tom and and a thousand others who have completely changed my life and I almost certainly wouldn't be here in Tokyo today, having made it a more "normal" place for me to be than Chicago!

So- with past decisions in the back of my mind, I am now in the stressful habit of overanalyzing everything. I spent last November and December in a haze of "what should I DO?". After worrying about how quitting would look on my resume, how a travel job would look to grad schools, how long I could pay my bills without a job, and on and on, in the begining of December I struck upon an English school near my house that was hiring. After a very good interview, I went back to my travel company very torn. Fortunately for me, they ended up making my decision easier by asking me to transfer to an office across town for the second time in one month. When comparing the two jobs, it became clear that I was trying to fit into a box that I not only didn't want to fit into, but I didn't *need* to fit into. Three days before heading home for Christmas, I told my office that I was quitting and wouldn't return after New Year's.

It was both one of the most thought out and most spontaneous decisions I've ever made. I felt guilty about the last minute notice and anxious about the new job. With almost a month to look back on it all- I am very happy and relieved with how it worked out. I just would never have been happy at Toppan (the travel agency) and it was making me incredibly bitter about everything else. It was also obvious that if I stayed any longer- I would be so "involved" that quitting would get more and more difficult.

My new job: Out of the desperation and confusion of the above- I grabbed the straw that is my new position as an English teacher at English Now Preschool. No one is more surprised than me that I am a) back to English teacher and b) working with little, little kids. This of course reflects how eager I was to leave the previous job. Luckily, I am really enjoying the job! I've just finished my first week and like it more than I thought I would. Five or so of us teachers teach different groups of preschool kids entirely in English each day. We sing songs, dance, count, play with play-doh, and just generally play all day. I am learning quickly how much FUN little kids can be. I am exhausted- but these kids are just cracking me up.

The real reasons I took the job over the last is that I'd be back to teaching (in hindsight- I think this week has finally convinced me that school really is the place for me... the comparison of my happiness levels is remarkable) and the work schedule. My new work schedule is 9:30 am to 5:30 pm with small breaks between groups of kids. I don't work weekends. I get one week off for Japanese Golden Week (begining of May), 2 weeks for summer vacation, and 3 weeks off for Christmas/New Year's vacation. Then every month with more than 4 weeks (for instance March has 5 Wednesdays, etc.) we get the days of the partial "5th" week off, too. It may sound lazy to some- but I don't want to spend my entire life at work! No matter how much I may like my job- I don't want to live my job. I want to leave at night and go do something else with my day. This has been a lesson in real life that I didn't realize wasn't the same for everyone. Many of my former co-workers are very "ok" with working from 8:00am to 11:00pm with no break for lunch and I felt guilty for not wanting to join them. But I don't. So- now I'm working a much more "Jaclyn friendly" schedule in a definitively more "Jaclyn friendly" environment. To those who've said "but you seem like someone who would be good in a business" and "Oh its such a shame you're not using your Japanese", I say- pooh. I'm happy. It's taken me until last night- a month after the decsion and a week after starting my new job to realize this, but I'm happy.