It's supposed to rain again this weekend. This after being perfectly sunny and rather muggy every day of this week (except Monday... since our first day of school was Tuesday, Monday was still rainy). How does that seem fair?? After a fantabulous 45 minutes out on the trail on my rollerblades last night, I had been scheming about the different day trips or overnight hikes I could do by myself this weekend. Well, lo and behold, I just checked the weather and its a sad, sad sight. I have never seen so many rain storm icons!!! Here, check it yourself (weather for Matsumoto) and feel my pain. Grrr...! My only consolation is that perhaps if it rains all week, it will be clear in time for my hike on Sept. 4th and 5th with the 1st grade class. Yeah right!

I keep having moments when it re-occurs to me where I am, what I'm doing, and how long I've been here. I am in shock that a year has already passed. I have already seen all the seasons, the rice is at the same fabulous neon green and wavy state it was at this time last year (when I was also here to see it). I pity the new JETs because I can recall so clearly how petrified I was to walk into each classroom the first couple of weeks. I remember panicking the days before school started and asking myself how and why I'd assumed I was fit to teach. I'm still not sure what the hell I'm doing- but I'm at peace with it. ;) Its also hard to believe that I may/probably be leaving this spot in a year. A year from now still seems too soon to leave, even though some people have had enough in a month or just one year.. but I will be finishing my third (cummulative) year in this country. I am so comfortable here- I feel more at home in Misato and Nagano then I ever did in Chicago. I can't imagine someone coming to take over and moving into my space.

I have a long time yet to get ready to leave. That is... if I do indeed leave. I've been brainstorming a lot lately about what to do... and as usual I have no answers. But realistically, I'm not sure I have much to go home to, besides family and my friends. Family is a big thing- I consider my family one of the biggest reasons I want to go home at all... and friends are important and another reason I want to be closer to the "West"... but everyone is all over the place!! Where the heck am I going to live? In Indiana to be closer to family? In Minnesota to be closer to friends? What about the family in Wisconsin and the friends in Texas? and so on and so on. On an even more brutally realistic note, I have no job. I don't even have an image of what kind of job I want. Going home would be like starting after college, and that was simply awful. If I want to teach, I have to go to school. If I decide to go to school, I can't even start an education program until I complete prerequisites, which there are so many of -my best path might be to complete a second bachelor's degree. How discouraging is that?! If I don't go to school... I'm back to applying for jobs I'm completely unqualified for. That might be even more discouraging then going back in time in education.

You can see why just staying put is sounding better and better these days? Add in the tense political situation in the United States and the fact that my dream man lives in this country... and I've practically decided to become a Japanese citizen. Ok... that's going way too far, exhale... but I am in quite a quandry, and the more I try to stop thinking about it, the more it keeps me up at night. I am worried that this year is going to go as fast as last year (and it will, I'm sure) and then I'll be stuck at the other end with no decision and all deadlines having passed.

Well, this weekend I'm going to attempt to avoid planning out my entire life and instead clean my house. And if it really does rain all weekend, it will be the perfect weekend to spend in coffee houses with my japanese books studying for this darn test I'm hoping to pass in December.

And sleep. Sleep sounds just wonderful.